A date night is a great thing and something that TJ and I try to practice on a regular basis. Most anything goes for things to do when it comes to date night. Sometimes we’ll go see a play, other times we’ll just go for dinner, and other times we’ll just stay at home and watch a romantic comedy.
While romantic comedies (romcom for short) can make for some highly entertaining movies, they also have potential to be pretty damaging to a relationship. Here are a few reasons why I think so:
Romantic Comedies aren’t realistic
Romcom’s are movies. They have two hours, or less, to introduce you to characters, have the characters fall in love, then have a conflict, and then resolve that conflict in a nice little bow. Wouldn’t that be nice if life was like that?
Romcom’s aren’t realistic and they put unrealistic expectations on the results of relationships. TJ told me that if she had the expectations of a romcom, she’d want to be swept off her feet every weekend and completely ignore the little things I do to show her that I love her. Our relationship would be based then on how well I (because the guy is always the one that setups the date up in a romcom) planned our date and how much fun she had. The relationship all becomes performance and results based instead of making a choice to be in love with each other. It becomes about feeling the feeling of being in love instead of acting in love each day and choosing to stay with that person.
Romantic Comedies only last 2 hours, marriage lasts a lifetime
“Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” – Pete, Knocked Up
This is more accurate than a lot of people care to admit. Marriage takes work. Hard work. LOTS of hard work. Every moment is not an extremely romantic moment that makes the girl fall head over heels in love with the man again. They happen. But a movie only lasts two hours; marriage lasts a lifetime.
While we don’t get to see what happens after the movie ends, we have to go to bed and wake up the next morning, still married to the same person as we were the night before; sometimes not feeling the loving feeling we felt for them when we went to bed too.
Go make your own romantic comedy – it’s a lot more fun
Know that I’m not saying that romantic moments can never happen; or that they can’t be inspired by movies. I’ll be the first to admit that I took several notes the second time I watched “A Walk To Remember.” Romance can and should happen. But it’s a lot more fun to make it yourself than it is to sit and watch someone else experience it.
Creating your own romance requires creativity, planning, and sometimes even help from friends. But putting all of that effort into a date, or multiple dates, makes it totally worth it. Seeing the look on TJ’s face when something I’ve planned goes off well is a great feeling.
From here on in, I’m pretty certain our date nights won’t involve sitting around watching a movie each time now. I plan on making sure that some activity is involved. That activity could be something as simple as sharing a meal at a restaurant. After all, spending time together is all the romance you need sometimes.